Growing up in a bicultural family can be hilarious and traumatizing. It's like being stuck in the middle not knowing who to believe. Plus trying to find self-identity when you can't make sense of your own cultural is a crisis. As a child, I couldn't figure out what language to speak without my parents fighting over which was better for me. My parents have strong characters with a lot of pride. My dad would say, "man your family calls a lot," and my mother would reply, "at least I get a phone call," and this would start up a never ending argument. My dad would tell me to eat one way while my mom shook her head.
So... I created my own rules because they made me feel crazy at times. I didn't listen to what was "right," so this made them both upset. My sister and I never had a peaceful childhood. We would laugh it off because we didn't know what to say. When you're a kid you believe every lie and end up more confused as you get older. Don't get me wrong, I embrace both cultures and would love to learn the Russian language soon, but it has taken me years to develop a sense of identity because I've been pulled in two opposite directions. I even had people ask what side do I identify with more and why. I just said both and I am trying to get to know my dad's side a little more because his family is very reserved.
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| My Father and I. |
My main goal is to visit Ukraine, learn the traditions, eat the food, arts, opera, dance the music, and soak up the history. Hopefully, I can find some family out there to share my life with and reconnect back to my roots. I love being mixed because I can embrace the differences and find my own identity within both. Does anyone feel the same? What has helped you in dealing with the chaos? I would like to know how people self-identify after growing up in a bicultural family.
Oh this will be interesting to read. Unfortunately I cannot relate to having a hard time developing an identity culturally due to being a 3rd generation Californian on one side and a 6th generation Californian on the other side. But, as we have discussed my husband's parents are from Ukraine and they are very strict in their culture. My husband chose not to include the Ukrainian culture into his life and just adopt an American culture instead. I can only imagine the struggle keeping such different cultures along with living in a society with another different culture would be difficult. I am looking forward to seeing how you develop your personal identity more through this blog.
ReplyDeletep.s. you wrote "argument about what cultural was better" I am pretty sure culture should be written there instead. I am only mentioning it because I had to double read it which means it interrupted the flow you were trying to create.
I loved your line that being from a bicultural family was hilarious and traumatizing. Totally made me giggle to myself.
ReplyDeleteI am too biracial and I feel very lucky to be able to experience two different cultures. My parents never argued about cultural differences and if anything we joke that my dad wishes he was also Asian. He takes Chinese language classes, used to take Tai Chi and worked at a Japanese woodworking store. So I guess you can say he embraces Asian culture!
I think for me, being able to embrace my culture is not having to choose a side and feeling lucky that I get to experience life through two different cultures. I always think we should do what works best for ourselves. So take what you want, leave what you don't.
I am super excited to hear more about your experience being biracial and to see the similarities between my own experience.
You have a very interesting family structure. Maybe you feel confused sometimes when you were young, but the bicultural background could give you more enjoyable experience than other regular families. Look forward to the updating.
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ReplyDeleteSounds great that you will visit Ukraine someday to reconnect your roots. I can't imagine how tough your childhood was as a child with two, no three different cultures because I grew up surrounded by entirely monocultural circumstance. These days, the number of mixed marriage in Korea is growing increasingly. But Koreans are not prepared for embracing multi culture since we've had monoculture for more than 5,000 years. In general, people have a prejudice about mixed marriage to some extent, and schools do not have a proper curriculum regarding this issue. Seems like your blog will give me insight about how we should embrace bicultural family. It's so much exciting!
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate as my mom is white and my dad is black. I feel as though I was not pushed one way or the other by my parents but more so by society. They determined I was black and not white, even though I have more "in common" with people from a upper middle class white background. People suck. I got called an oreo, white washed, etc... even though acording to my ancestry dna I am 40% african 58% White and 2% pacific islander. What has helped me is just doing my own thing and exploring what I want to explore. My parents were pretty supportive of me exploring each side and coming to my own terms, its unfortunate that you felt like you had to choose :/
ReplyDeleteAlina,
ReplyDeleteI think you bring up a good point about finding your own identity within your bi-cultural family. Though I did not grow up in a bi-cultural family, I did grow up with bi-cultural religions, and man was it confusing. Growing up with a single mom, my grandparents helped parent me. My grandpa was a pastor for the Seventh-Day Adventist church. He is well known all over the country for his talks and programs he has put into place. However...My mom is Pagan, Wicken if you want more details. I basically picked a chose which beliefs I had from each side. So...I am both :) It's definitely different, but it still gives you a sense of who am I and what am I going to believe.
I look forward to reading your Journey with connecting to your Ukrainian roots.
I noticed you wrote "Alina" on Susan's blog. Lol.
DeleteHi Susan,
ReplyDeleteThere are some very interesting threads here. Are you focusing on planning a trip, learning Ukrainian culture or learning about how bi-cultural folks find identity? Any which way will be engaging and informative for us. Can't wait to see which direction this takes off!
Susan, as you know, I am Ukrainian - you ever have any questions about Ukraine, the culture, food, ect - let me know :)
ReplyDeleteYou've mentioned a few times to me that you would love to learn how to cook some Ukrainian dishes - check out: http://natashaskitchen.com/
My mom and aunts use many of her recipes - they are delicious!